What Could Have Been
by peanut2020
Summary: Very AU. It had been almost 16 years sice Arizona Robbins made the choice to leave Seattle to Africa, 16 years of triumphs and regrets, the biggest of all , the love she left behind,. How will she react when the brown eyes she never thought she'd see again appear at her front door. First Fic ever no beta so constructive feedback very welcomed. Angsty.


It was a foggy afternoon in Oxford, Arizona had a meeting with the head of each institute including those currently in Africa whom she reached through tele-conferences and it had

been all in all been a nice short day. There just was something different in the air she wasn't sure what, could not really put her finger on it but it left her feeling edgy, restless so she decided

she could probably head home early. Home now a days was a beautiful cottage style house in the outskirts of Oxord, England. Being in Europe turned to be more convenient, she was closer

to Africa and India were the main resources of aid that she oversaw where based from and close to the University allowing her to continue research and to teach a couple of classes. She

couldn't complain she was succesfull, world acclaimed for her work in Pediatric surgery and she made enough money to live more than comfortably, put away for her retirement and to be

able to help her mom, and she was still hot, she chuckled at her own thoughts.

"Arizona, Arizona... Dr Robbins!"

The blond turned to face her assistant, blushing a bit at being caught in her thoughts "I'm sorry Susan , just woolgathering, what did you say?"

the redhead smiled at her boss, the last week had been tremendously busy and had kept the Dr. running non-stop wich could be challenging but also helped keep away the air of

melancholy that could sneak up on her.

"It's ok Dr. Robbins, I was just saying that we're at a good stopping point, why don't we pick this up on Monday, there is nothing pressing on your calendar at the

moment"

Arizona smiled and pushed back from the desk, " I was actually just thinking that it was a great time to go home." She stood up and packed her bags,

"You do the same now Susan, can't throw me out of my own office and then stay late to work on papers and such, don't be sneaky" laughing the admin accompanied her out of the office into the receiving area.

"Get some rest Arizona I'll see you next week".

Adjusting the heat in her small car to compete with the chill in the air she was on her way. It was a beautiful drive home, there was never much traffic leaving the area of the school and

the old buldings and open green areas gave everything a fairy book feeling. Once she arrived she checked the post and decided on some hot chocolate. She changed into comfier clothes

and prepared a snack. Instead of sitting at the table she decided to grab a book and sit by the bay windows and got lost in though. "What are you doing today Calliope?" she shook her head

almost as if that would dislodge the memories, "I wonder what it was today?" every once in a while a smell, a laugh or a view would remind her of her old life. "It's been over 15 years let it go,

arghhhh" the phone rang startling her and forcing her to stand up and break from her thoughts, the caller id made he freeze in her steps, it was a call from the US but not from Nebraska

where her mom lived, it was from home, from Seattle.

After a few rings she finally took a step forward to pick up the phone when there was a knock on her door that startled her, the phone stopped ringing "Shit!Crap, I guess the door it is " so

she turned towards her front door. "One second! Be right there" the knocks where not obnoxious but they were getting there. Exasperated now she opened the door and saw a young

girl."Hello do I know you?" The girl looked out of place, from her nice tan to her age, a bit young to be a student and she was definitively not dressed for the weather, only having a thin

sweater on. Arizona waited for an introduction a reason for the visit but the girls just stood there holding a letter in her hand and a bag both she seemed to be holding on to both with a bit of

desperation. "Hello? you are? " the girl looked at her a bit aloofly and that's when she really looked in to her bright brown eyes, she took a step back , the girl's eyes where red and shattered

but what really hit home was that they were her Calliope's eyes, _" your Calliope, really Arizona?"_ she moved some strands of her hair behind her ears thinking of the absurdity of her internal

rants and looked up at the girl again, apparently she had missed something, the girls was looking at her with that air of exasperation teenagers seem to perfect. Clearing her throat and

seeing the attention back on her the girl tried again,

"Hmm You are Dr. Arizona Robbins, right?" "Yes I am " "Ok well " her voice cracked and you could see she was trying to set herself up for something, straightening her shoulders and her

eyes going cold when she looked at her.

"My name is Sofia Sloan" and then Arizona's eyes watered looking at what could have been her daughter. It was hard to swallow past the lump in her throat , it's very

different to wonder what if, than to see reality, this beautiful girl in fron of her "Oh..." she took another step back motioning Sofia to come in but the girl held firm and for some reason now

looked angry. "I'm not here to visit I ..." but Arizona cut her off "Look Sofia it's cold step inside for a moment warm up and tell me what brings you to my door?" "And where is your mother? Is

she here?" If you were to ask Arizona up to this point what her biggest mistake was she would have said not coming back at that airport but there was always an excuse a reason why this

ended up being the best for both of them, that..., that all was about to change

"No thank you I can't, I just , my mom..."

"Is your mom here? Aren't you a little young to travel alone?",

Sofia snorted and began talking to herself "Ahora se preocupa de mi esta mujer despues de no querer saber nada de mi y dejar a mi mami sola."

The spanish rant and the body language was so Calliope that it brought a smile to her face but the true anguish she sensed from the girl still concerned her, if Calliope needed anything she

could have it, a kidney, her house, Sofia interrupted her train of though,

"I think that's non of your concern, ma'am. I'm here because my mami wanted you to know, and she asked me, she asked me to see you"

" Ok, are you here for the University? Because we have a super medical program"

"Dr Robbins my mother died 2 weeks ago in an accident"

Looking at the beautiful girl in front of her and her trembling lips, never would she have expected to hear those words. Sofia was trying to remain strong not wanting to break down in

front of this stranger, but needing to share the obviously painful news. Arizona felt as if she was in a tunnel and she wasn't getting enough air. " My, my mami asked me to give you a letter"

she said hoding up the manila envelope she'd been carrying and placing it on Arizona's hand, " and she asked that you come when we spread her ashes".

Arizona just stood there feeling as if her heart had shattered in a million pieces and those shards had jagged edges that were cutting her insides. "The information is there I made

arrangements for the both of us from here so just show up if you want to come."

Tears were flowing from Sofia's eyes and with her runny nose caused by the cold and by the tears she looked more like the kid she was and less than

the adult she wanted to portray. Arizona took a step forward needing to console this little piece of her Calliope but Sofia took a step back and turned.

"Everything is there, just show up" in a small voice already walking away Arizona heard a final "Please" then she noticed for the 1st time that there was a cab waiting for the girl, a boy a bit

younger than her opened the door allowing her in and someone that looked a lot like Lexy Grey took her in her arms, leaving a sense of loss in Arizona's own. As soon as she got in the doors

were closed and they drove away.

Arizona spent a few moments standing in the cold not comprehending eveything that just hapened. The only connection she had to prove it hadn't all been a horrible nightmare was

the manila envelope in her hands. She closed the door and looked at the thick envelope and spoke out loud "I'm in shock" she was getting cold, the feeling of restlesness she'd had all day

came back with a vengance and she felt as if she needed to scratch her eyes out, she brought both hands up to her face bringing the envelope hard against her forehead not planning on it

bringing along a smell she'd never forget, Callie, that broke through the stupor, slowly a keening sound left her body gaining volume as she let her heart break out in a horrible scream,

"AAhhhhhhhh, why?!" Collapsing to her knees and dropping her head to the floor. The sobs were so intense her body shook with each of them. She felt each breath leave her body leaving

her empty, her lungs burning trying to keep up with each heaving sob,"I'm sorry Calliope, I'm sorry baby " she thought of everyday she had picked up the phone but never dialed, of all the

meetings she had that would have allowed her to stop by Seattle but to which she never went, sending people in her stead. "I'm sorry my love, I'm sorry, I was a coward", she cried for the life

they could have had, for the loss she felt, for the life such a beautiful life that was lost, for Sofia's pain, she cried most of all for what could never be now, the phone began ringing again but

she couldn't move, the pain was overwhealming and she cried.


End file.
